PSA: water is H2O, it has a pretty fixed pH value. so does your body. if you were to somehow make your blood "more alkaline" you would almost instantly die

"alkaline water" is just water. it has no effects that regular water doesn't have. also it is not even alkaline. even if it was, it would not make your body more alkaline to drink it. that is not how pH works. stay hydrated but don't buy that shit

How did this become a thing? I look away for ten seconds and there's water on the shelf labeled "too alkaline to be tested by pH strips" god damn. Aren't there laws about this sort of thing?

@Thuslyandfurthermore the short answer is a combination of pyramid schemes and chiropractors

@applebaps I lived in a shithole that had alkaline water for years. It just tasted bad. That's all.

I mean it was also bad for your heart because it had a shitload of sodium in it too from the mediocre sodium substitution they used as a softening process, but hey.

@_ampersand also i guarantee you it wasn't even that alkaline, it was probably off the norm by like 0.1, 0.2 at best otherwise we wouldn't be talking

@applebaps I mean, 0.1 on log base 10 is still a decent chunk. But yeah nobody out here is drinking like pH 11 water, that shit would be crazy.

@_ampersand yeah lol. the marketed "alkaline water" you see is literally just water, it's exactly water

@applebaps So of course my boss is super into it lol I don't want to explain how buffered blood is

@applebaps plus on top of those well-reasoned points does nobody remember how alkali water was a bad thing in the Oregon Trail games??

@applebaps I once had someone on tumblr tell me that cancer and numerous other diseases were entirely caused by pH imbalances in the body and I almost snapped my laptop in half

@photophoregirl imagine hearing that level of stupid shit daily at your job for 2 years and being ordered to sell this stuff to people or you're fired

@photophoregirl ah yes thanks for coming to the ""clinic"" today, let me give you this book on how vitamin C can cure cancer. make sure you bring your infant child back with you next time to get "adjusted"

@applebaps my mom has me see a chiropractor a few times when I was younger and one time the fucker went for my neck before I was ready and pulled a muscle. She didn’t take me back after that

@photophoregirl CONCLUSION:

In this case series, 12 patients with newly diagnosed cervical artery dissection(s) had recent chiropractic neck manipulation. Patients who are considering chiropractic cervical manipulation should be informed of the potential risk and be advised to seek immediate medical attention should they develop symptoms.

@photophoregirl see also

RESULTS: Twenty six fatalities were published in the medical literature and many more might have remained unpublished. The alleged pathology usually was a vascular accident involving the dissection of a vertebral artery.

CONCLUSION: Numerous deaths have occurred after chiropractic manipulations. The risks of this treatment by far outweigh its benefit.

@applebaps YUUUP i remember reading that and my blood going cold. I’m lucky I survived

@photophoregirl yeah

it makes me really mad when i hear people talking about chiros like as if they know what the fuck they're doing lol. these assholes literally kill people all the time

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@forAll52 @photophoregirl old magical ideas from western occult philosophy basically

@forAll52 @photophoregirl congratulations you are immune to the alkaline water idea lol

@applebaps @photophoregirl not completely, I was stunned by how bad the idea is that it took a while to process

@applebaps @photophoregirl why is it that no matter how low my expectations get, I still end up surprised in a bad way?

@photophoregirl @applebaps yo my boss, and a growing portion of my office, are all in on this and she thought I'd be really :toot: because I"m a vegan who studied chemistry and it was a huge struggle to just be politely disagreeing.

@applebaps Even leaving aside for a moment that your stomach is full of HCl

@pagrus yeah. like, this idea fails before we even get close to the technical stuff

@applebaps i was amazed at how such a ridiculous thing could be on a store shelf, but i guess pharmacies in canada aren't banned from selling other kinds of water that have some kind of hippie woo attached to them,

@lyliawisteria i mean, to be fair to the pharmacy, it's just water lol. if it gets people to hydrate and makes the store money then Welp,

but like, wow don't buy alkaline water go drink cheaper water lol

@applebaps i'm talking about homeopathic bullshit. i'm sure the same people are buying "alkaline" water.

@lyliawisteria yeah i lump it all together, cause i mean, homeopathic remedies are also just water

stay hydrated, hippies

@applebaps what?? next you're going to tell me these vitamin c tqblets aren't going to cure my cold :blob_thinking_smirk:

@fructose_dealer that's right my friend, they'll cure your soul! it's because of your soul that you get colds in the first place. now step right over here and let me snap your neck to let your brain and soul communicate more clearly

@fructose_dealer (this sounds like a shitpost but it is literally what chiropractors believe)

@applebaps yeah it's sad isn't it? It's not very..


@applebaps i really lobe jokes like that, but they only work in the right cortex

Im sorry

@applebaps where the hell did people get the idea that "alkaline = healthy"?

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